Spreading Her Wings

In the process of creating a hand holding relationship with Neelam, I accrued the role of a mentor to myself for the first time. Being the youngest one in the family, I didn't have enough precedents from my own life to base my relationship on. To bridge this gap, Violet, Program coordinator and later Tanvi, Program coordinator held numerous training sessions and one-on-one meetings with the mentors. And that's when I realized that mentoring relationship was taking place at more than one level. 

SEWA Youth Connect envisioned bringing together young girls from two opposite spectrum of life. Dr. Sanjay Kumar Singh, Director, SEWA Bharat, put it very eloquently as "realizing one's social responsibility by giving back resources that we have enjoyed at the cost of those who have been denied yet come so far". Thus, the mentor-mentee relationship is that of equalizing besides empowering. 

Neelam, when I met her first, was a timid young girl, just out of school. She reminded so much of me when I had first come to Delhi. I was nervous and scared. I could sense similar emotions in Neelam. As my relationship with her grew, I realized she has not been encouraged to be independent. She had comfortably accepted the fact that she isn't a thinking being. A lot of it, I would blame on typical educational pedagogy in our country that taught Neelam how to take exams but not how to think. In my capacity, I tried pushing Neelam to think alternatively and creatively. I bombarded her with questions, which she found silly and then intriguing. The pieces that I asked her to write may not be very high-sounding yet it reflects her individuality and her own thinking. 

Over the period of time, Neelam slowly reposed her trust in me and made me her confidant. This is what she wrote when I asked her about our relationship

"Mentor-mentee ka rishta ek teacher ki tarah hona chahiye jisse padhai me help kar sake aur ek dost ki tarah hona chahiye jisse mai apni har baat share kar saku. Mujhe aaj tak aisi mentor nahi mili jinse mai apni baat share kar saku. Jo baat mai ghar me kisi se share nahi kar pati, wo mai apne mentor se kar sakti hoon. Jab mai youth connect se judi toh maine socha bhi nahi tha ki mujhe itni saari nayi baatein pata chalengi, naye logon se baat karungi. Ab mai akele aa ja sakti hoon. Mujhme confidence aa gaya hai. Jab mai apne mentor se milne jati hoon, wo mujhe alag alag jagah le jati hain aur batati hain ki yeh jagah bahut purani hai, jaise agrasen ki baoli. wo mujhse kehati hai ki jo na pata ho wo kisi se bhi pooch lo bina jhijhke. Meri metor ne mujhe vaishvikaran itne achche se padhya ki mujhe aaj bhi yaad hain. Meri mentor mujhe apne aas paas safe atmosphere banae ke liye bolti hai". 

I take immense pride when Neelam immediately rises up from her seat to order coffee for both of us on our weekly meetings, something she was hesitant doing initially. She has shown evident signs of overcoming her hesitation and fears. She's catching up with spoken English because she feels intimidated by the fact that other people can speak English fluently while she can't. I encourage and help her to learn English however I make sure that she doesn't base her self-worth entirely on these superficial attributes. 

Six months ahead from when we had started, Neelam can now travel on her own. 
She laughs more often now. 
She writes. 
She paints. 
Most importantly, she is beginning to have an opinion on matters trivial or important. 

Neelam is growing. I am growing. 
Together, with SEWA, we are growing.

When we sat across the table...I and Neha!

As you may have guessed by now, this blog post is an account of how we went about with the mock interview, but as you will read, you will infer that it was indeed much more than just a mock interview.
It was... an experience
an epiphany
a revelation
a moment of realization.
Of late,  I had been talking a lot about how I want my mentorship to have some substantial achievement.
Now, it so happened, that as we had planned, we met on 21st April, the main agenda of our meeting being conducting a mock interview.
So, I showed her around my campus, and then we settled in a classroom, where after creating a formal ambiance, we conducted an interview. Now, this is the thing about conducting such a formal activity: It gave her practical and first-hand insights into how an interview is actually conducted. While the questions i threw up on her were the usual ones, the conventional:
Tell me something about yourself
Why should I hire you for this position?
Enlist your strengths and weaknesses.
What are your views on the current situation of fashion industry?
then, we proceeded with situational questions:
Suppose you had a low budget and you had to make a choice between the low-quality cheap fabric on one hand and expensive fabric which you were paid for, on the other, what would you do?
How would you deal with a last minute crisis such as duplication or/and copying of your designs by other designers?

And with each responses she gave and I recorded, we got a lot to discuss.
The interview was followed by a kind of feedback session, whereby I pointed out to her ow she needs to be focused on giving relevant answers and retaining her confidence simultaneously.
It was only in our meeting after this one, that Neha told me how she was feeling nervous with the kind of questions she was supposed to answer and how she feels better equipped with answers now that she has an idea about how and what type of details are scrutinized.
This was followed by a group discussion, for which it was essential to have another member in our discussion. So, I called up my friend and We randomly chose the topic "Social networking sites: Bane or boon (good or bad, for simplicity)". we launched into a heavy discussion for some 20 minutes, post which it was realised that current affairs and reading through issues of general concern are other areas we can work upon.

Our next meeting was on 23rd May, almost a month later (owing to my examinations although we did keep in decent touch/contact over the phone what with the marriage arrangements being done at her house).
We planned to meet at CP, and I told her I would take her to Oxford bookstore. Her late arrival by an hour gave us fodder for our discussion: the issue of punctuality. But before I plunge deeper into the details of what all our discussions entailed, let me tell you how she had felt there.
It was great to see her browsing through books, and she Even pinpointed to me a book Named "Reading Lolita in Tehran". The book's theme well blended with our motive. :-)
This, and then I asked her to place the order.
All in all, we carried forward our discussion about interview etiquette and professionalism.

I do hope this has made some difference, even if minuscule.

"One girl with Courage is a Revolution"

Thanks to the American Center for facilitating the screening of Girl Rising and inspiring us all. We saw the courage of our Youth Club girls as they took the stage and spoke about the movie, their experiences and the hero in each of us.

GIRLS ARE RISING INDEED!

"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust... "

 

It may be an inevitable truth that we all come from dust and return to dust. The world will keep reminding you this fact over and over, in case you forget and, spread your wings too much and fly too far. 

But there are some girls in this world that defied this fact and did not surrender. They went on to prove that it is the journey between these two finite points that will still make us immortal; an extraordinary journey towards one's dreams. An indomitable spirit and unflagging enthusiasm decide whether we will kiss glory or taste the dust. Nine such determined girls chose to follow their hearts' desire and to never give up. Not even in circumstances that bereaved them of hope, momentarily. And this is how we got a soul-stirring documentary film- Girl Rising!

Girl Rising takes us into the lives of nine girls- Wadley, Amina, Ruksana, Yasmine and Sumi to name a few, who live in different parts of the world. Thanks to SEWA and the American Centre, for they gave us an experience of a lifetime by screening this film. In these hundred minutes, fixed in our seats and totally captivated by what we saw, we travelled with the girls across the world- to deserts, high mountains, cramped cities and even disaster hit areas. We experienced a plethora of emotions as we came across each girl’s story- awe, contempt, compassion, joy, sorrow, hope, despair, pride, euphoria! From having goose bumps, to moist eyes, to a content smile; I could feel it all.  All us SEWA girls were watching in silence, the struggle and success of the nine girls, separated from us (just)by the screen. But the undercurrents of a newly realised potential and a flame reignited were almost tangible. It became evident when every girl present there, expressed with a lot of fervour, how inspired they felt. The message through the stories of those girls had come across well. “There’s a Hero in all of us”, they said. The girls highlighted the pertinent issues related to women, especially education, and spoke about other social evils solemnly. They could somehow relate to the girls in the film and realised that the problems, unfortunately, are faced not just by women of their own country but by women worldwide. A noteworthy fact is that ultimately they were all convinced that hope and determination can bring a big change, a positive one at that. No matter how unfavourable the circumstances are, one should never give up on their efforts and hope. After all, beautiful wild flowers grow in the most unexpected and difficult places.

It was a moment of pride for all of us at SEWA, to see the girls stand up and speak for themselves. If this brilliant amalgamation of Art and Reality in the form of this film could do such wonders, more of such experiences should be brought to young girls with aspirations. The confidence and vigour that they radiated suggested of a revolution not too far in the future. They all had something precious to take back with them in the end. All they now need is their families by their side and a lot of opportunities to prove their worth...and sure then, will we RISE!

Well, my journey of the mentoring has not been so easy as I am still in a turmoil of what should be done. Initially i was very excited and enthusiastic of my new status and responsibility of being a mentor to someone who volunteeringly asked for it. Of course rapport formation takes time but who knew it would be like this. I was preparing myself for all the challenges and uncertainties. me and my mentee met once in a month or even it happened so that one whole month was skipped. Later on I got to know that she didn't understand that we had to meet every week of the month! Strange, yes ,very strange. I thought she was familiar with all the goals and frequency of meeting, still I explained it to her in different manners the importance and the goals of this programme. 

I thought maybe because of our differences she didn't open up to me as I was the one who was doing more of the talking , etc. I tried various ways to get her talking ,which I succeeded rarely! But i never gave up. I tried s hard to understand where i was wrong, what am i missing or not doing in order to fulfill my responsibility as a mentor. I frankly spoke to my mentee and told her that she could say anything to me at any point of time. She always just nodded. 

I spoke with my mentors , Tanvee and Violet, and I was disturbed as I wasn't able to figure out what was happening and where I was lacking. They suggested me with few things and I did so accordingly, but again no results. In fact, I was losing hope in this relationship because whatever I did was in vain. Till now I was thinking that I have some drawbacks in me, but later on I realised that it was my mentee who was not taking this programme seriously. 

Yes, there was a time when I said that I will quit, as everything I do is going in vain.

I couldn't take all that carelessness anymore as I gave my best to this programme. All I could say is that I gained an experience which I never expected of. Also, I am a true believer in the fact that whatever has happened , has happened for my own learning. At least, I am satisfied with my own efforts and hard work.

I am still holding on to some hope that things will change, no matter how tough it gets , I won't give up. But it is also true that at some point, a saturation happens and sometimes giving up is the only option. 

P.S. experience is an experience, no matter what path you choose or is chosen for you!...

The Odyssey

“The delicate balance of mentoring someone is not creating them in your own image, but giving them the opportunity to create themselves.”- Steven Spielberg

Youth Connect has by far been one of the most different experiences in my life. I’ve always been fond of getting to know new people, forming friends, but SEWA has provided me with a very unique and different bond of friendship. I think all of us have been mentors at some point in our lives, either for our friends or family, but this particular program has given us the experience of a lifetime- of mentoring a person from a totally different social background, and in this process, forming a very unique relationship!

I’m very fortunate to have Poonam as my mentee, and to have formed a good relationship with her in these past few months. She is really sweet, well mannered and a good-hearted person, and its nice to consider her one of my friends. I have interacted with people from various diverse backgrounds before, but this is the very first time I’ve been part of someone’s life, who is so different from me and vice versa. And I definitely have to thank SEWA for that. In the past few months, I’ve taken on different roles- of a friend, of a listener, of a mentor- all of which overlap. I feel happy in saying that my relationship with Poonam has been stable and that we’ve been compatible from the very beginning, in fact I think it gets better with each meeting! Be it McDonalds, Starbucks, Atta Market (Noida), Akshardham temple, my college fest or her home, we have both got the opportunity to be a part of each other’s life, which definitely helps fulfill one of the goals of this program. It makes us aware of the world beyond ours, of a life very different from ours and I think such an experience is very enriching and fruitful! Visiting her home was definitely a new exposure for me, but at the same time, being at her place was almost like being at any other friend’s. It also felt good to engage with her very welcoming and sweet family members.

It gives lot of satisfaction and happiness to see Poonam enjoy having new experiences, be it trying out a new dish, sitting in an expensive coffee shop, witnessing performances at a college fest, learning how to e-mail or even speaking to me in English, etc. Going to all such places with her makes it quite a new experience for me as well. Also what is great about her is that she is open to all such new experiences! She is eager to learn, to know and to question things. It is exciting to see her come up with topics of discussion and also to listen to her views, opinions, and solutions and not just have her as a passive listener. Poonam has aspirations and wants to do well in her life and I feel this mentoring relationship will be really successful if I’m able to motivate her to give her best in everything, to work hard and achieve what she wants to! I would love to see Poonam get good results in her studies, get her dream job and speak fluent English, few years down the lane.

Another thing I like about her is that she considers me a friend and is also interested in my life, my aspirations and dreams, and at the same time considers me a mentor who is there to help her. I believe this entire program is also helping me grow as a person, through engaging with someone from a completely different social context, seeing different realities and overcoming my inhibitions. This program is also helping me getting to know myself even more!

Last Monday I asked Poonam to type out few lines of her experience till now, on my laptop. Once she wrote, I read it with her, and made few changes in order to help her improve her English skills. However, I didn’t edit it completely so as to retain the feel of her words.

“I have a good experience with Mahima, she is so sweet. I learnt from her how to be confident.  When I first time saw Mahima at metro station I was little afraid as to how can I manage with her, my time, my behaviour and the most important part was my background according to her. But I realized Mahima was like that she does not have any difficulties with me.  She is sweet, pure hearted, beautiful, intelligent.  She taught me how to behave in certain places. How you speak a meaningful statement that another person understands. She also teaches me English language. Mahima also speaks with me in English.

When first time Mahima come in my home her behaviour is very good towards my mom, grandmother, my younger brother & I like this very much. I had spent great time with her. This is my memorable period in my life. When we meet I have an enjoyable time with her.

I am improving my English, confidence level, and how can I speak to another person a meaningful statement this thing I want and Mahima is helping me fulfill my dream. At last again I thank Mahima for such a wonderful experience.”

I wish this 6-month program enriches our lives and leaves behind some wonderful memories and long-lasting results. I’ll feel a sense of contentment and achievement if I’m able to help Poonam and bring a positive change in her life, in whichever way possible. She and I both hope to continue this friendship even long after this program is over!

We have tried to convey the crux of our Youth Connect experience so far, as concisely as possible. Hope you enjoyed reading it!

Thank you.

3 months in, 3 months out

The prospect of meeting a stranger. And befriending her. And making her trust you. And making her belive that you are always there for her. The whole concept is reminiscent of Margaret Walker's words, "Friends and good manners will carry you where money won't go." And precisely this is what we all, as mentors aim to do.
Now, as far as my personal experience is concerned, let me begin by telling you about my mentee. Neha is a really good-natured girl. I would say she is blessed to have her family supporting her, and yet she doesn't think about herself too seriously, which obviously became one of my main objectives to achieve by the end of this program.
We have had spontaneous discussions and thought-provoking conversations on a plethora of topics, ranging from women's security, to
To give you a better picture, let me quote an except from my diary entry after our second meeting:

I realised that something seemingly as trivial as her favourites could get me an idea of her as a person. Of how she deals with things. This was also a meeting whereby we discussed at length about the topics hovering around women, crimes, empowerment. Hence I believe this has been a productive and fruitful discussion. While she narrated her escapades to me, I  too shared some instances of cat calling from my personal experiences and that of my friends. And of course, dealing with it.
I chatted a bit about positive thinking and other traits of characteristics by drawing upon the qualities of her favourite actors. 

Many a times the discussions eliminated any difference we might have and thats what I feel good about.

I tutored her on making an email account, however she seemed a bit too occupied, and troubled at the prospect of visiting a cafe, to be creating one.

I also made an attempt to make this mentorship substantial by introducing an element of "what can I do for you" so as we had been trained I ventured into making a sort of contract. so as she desired I am going to help her speak in English and express herself coherently. Because I remember from my first meeting that she reiterated she is unable to express herself impromptu. Every following meeting shall be an attempt to help her get out of her comfort zone.

I also went ahead and discussed the concept of safespace. As pointed out before she faced a bit of problem in expressing herself but ended up on defining it as a silent place where she can have all the time to herself. Our give and take of ideas, opinions and thoughts continued, and while most of the issues had us in agreement, I really wish she too found the dialogues insightful. 

all in all, I was positive that this ship of mentor-ship can get a rudder and direction.

 Well, three months into the mentorship, and 6 meetings later it certainly was a time to assess ourselves, to give ourselves a reality check. And yes, there have been moments of worry (about her continued interest in the program), and there have been moments of pride, when she did prove she is capable (more about it in some other post), yet in order to achieve some evident, substantial results, there is still a way to go.